Broken
by JMacleod
Summary: New and Updated! Section ELEVEN is NOW up, Please Read and Review! Mac hasn't heard from Jenna in almost a year, when he sees her again, she's very different, can he help her? PLEASE READ & REVIEW!
1. Default Chapter

He'd had it, he needed a vacation, no two ways about it. MacGyver tossed his keys on the counter and his duffel on the floor as he entered the boathouse. He started to shrug out of his jacket as he hit the play button on the answering machine.

"You have three messages." It said as he tossed the jacket on the couch and sat to listen.

"Message one: _Hey Mac, Jack here..." _Mac groaned and slid further down in his seat, "..._Gonna be in town next week, I'll look ya up. Later amigo!"_

"Great..." Mac muttered as the machine moved to the next message.

"Message two: _"Hey MacGyver, It's me Penny...boy your never home. I'm settled into my new place give me a call when you get the chance! Bye."_

Mac sighed, Penny Parker...never a dull moment.

"Message three_: "Mac, It's Pete...give me a call or come to the office when you get in. I know that last assignment ended roughly I want to know your alright and I need to talk to you anyway, so give me a call when you get in."_

"Great." Mac sighed as he rubbed wearily at his eyes. He didn't feel up to driving anywhere at the moment so he settled for the phone. He picked up the cordless and started to dial Pete's office number. It was answered on the second ring, "Hello."

"Hey Pete, you wanted to talk to me?" Mac said.

"MacGyver! Your home...glad your in one piece, I heard it wasn't as easy as it should have been."

"No, it wasn't. Look Pete I'm glad you asked me to call I have a favor to ask."

"Name it." Pete said.

"A vacation, at least a month. I'm wasted Pete. It's been a year or more since my last one and all I want is some down time."

"That's fine and understandable...I'll get some of the others to pick up the current caseload..."

"Good. Now, you had something you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Actually just something you had mentioned a while back that you asked to be notified of the next time I heard anything about it."

"And that is?" Mac prompted.

"Jenna." Pete answered quietly.

Jenna Macleod had been a fellow agent and a floater for the FBI that Mac had worked with about eight months before. They'd gotten close....very close, and when the case had ended Mac had wanted to see where the relationship might have lead to. Jenna had shied away and taken another case almost as fast as she could. He'd wanted to know when she next turned up...he wanted to see her, work out whatever the problem had been, he'd discovered to his own surprise more then anyone else's how very much he cared for her. "Where is she Pete?" He heard himself ask.

"That's the funny part, you remember her boss Adam Mackenzie? He called me, said that she had just returned from an assignment and needed a quiet place to stay for a while. He said that _she_ had actually mentioned that she knew _I_ had a cabin up in the mountains. He asked if she could stay there for a few weeks, I said sure. I asked how she was but he apologized and wouldn't give me any details said she'd asked him not to. She knows I'd probably mention it to you..." Pete trailed off. He knew Mac had been hurt when Jenna had practically fled.

"It's ok Pete. Did he mention when she'd be there?"

He heard Pete clear his throat, "Mac...maybe you should let her come to you."

"Pete." The warning in his tone was clear as he said his friends' name.

"Yeah, she's there now, will be for the next two or three weeks. Your going aren't you?" he asked.

"I'll think about it. Thanks Pete."

"Your welcome. Let me know when you get back and try to relax and enjoy your time off."

"I will, and Pete...Jack's coming into town next week if he turns up looking for me...you don't know where I am or when I'll be back."

Pete chuckled as he said, "Understood. Take Care."

"You too Pete." He said before setting the phone back into its cradle.

Mac stared off into space as he let his mind drift back to the time he'd spent with Jenna. They'd gotten a lot closer then he'd ever anticipated and he would have liked to have seen her more after their case had ended. She'd been so quiet those last few days...it's almost like she'd been preparing herself to run. He shook his head, stood and headed for a shower, a light meal and then bed.

MacGyver let two days pass in which time he considered what to do. He was working at the challengers club when the owner Cynthia Booker approached him. "Hey MacGyver, how ya been? Been a long while since we've seen you."

He nodded as he continued to work on the piece of gym equipment he'd been trying to fix. "Yeah, got back into town a few days ago. Pete agreed to some vacation time so I thought I'd stop in. It feels like I never get the chance anymore so..."

She nodded, she'd watched him over the last day or so when he had come in, quiet withdrawn. Hurt...it radiated from his eyes. "You really ok? Sure you don't want to talk about anything?" she had earned her wings as a guidance counselor a long time ago and she had come to think of MacGyver as family, especially since the loss of her husband who'd been a good friend of Mac's.

"Yeah...I'm fine, why?" He asked as he continued to work.

"Because you look like someone shredded your heart and stamped on what remained of it." She said honestly. For that she got a laugh.

"That bad huh?" he asked with a smile.

"Spill. As the kids would say."

"How long do you have?" he asked.

"For you...as long as you need."

He nodded, put down the wrench he'd been using and picked up a rag that was beside him to wipe his hands on.

"Come on into my office...I have cold ice tea in the small fridge." She was already leading the way. He sighed and followed her.

When he had finished explaining about Jenna and how they'd met and then how she'd left, Cynthia sat listening, her glass only half empty, and a surprised look on her face. "Now tell me again why your sitting here and not on your way up to see her?" she asked.

He laughed, "Yeah, kinda wondering that one myself." He answered draining his glass before sitting it down on her desk. He cleared his throat before saying, "I think I'd almost do more harm then good if I just turned up. Yet, I get the feeling that if I don't just go...actually confront her by surprise that I'll never get that answer."

"Mac, why are still sitting here? Get up outta your seat, pack a bag and GO! I have this feeling that Miss thing up there in those mountains feels very much the same as you do, and just hasn't admitted it yet, to herself or to anyone else."

MacGyver nodded, "You think so huh?"

Cynthia nodded. "Yes I do and I also think your crazy for not having left two days ago."

Mac sighed, stood up and came around the desk. Placing a light kiss on her cheek he said quietly, "Thank you." With that he left closing the door behind him. She watched as he grabbed his jacket and said a quick goodbye to the kids by the door. Who ever this woman was she had no idea how lucky she would be if she could just open up her heart...and if she hurt MacGyver then she'd just made an enemy she didn't even now she had.

It was dusk when he got to the cabin. He turned off the ignition and sat a moment staring. There was a slow, steady stream of smoke from the fireplace in the lower living room, only a few lights where on and there was no noise except the slow stir of branches from the trees around him. He sighed, took his keys and his bag and climbed out of the jeep. He made his way quietly to the front door and stared at it a moment. 'Do I knock, or just go in...?' he thought quietly. He didn't knock, opting instead for the second choice. The door opened quietly and he moved inside closing it just as quietly behind him. He put down his bag, and tucked away his keys. At first glance around, the kitchen was empty, all lights on the second floor where off, the only light was coming from a small lamp in the living room as well as the fire that had been lit in the grate. He jumped as a quiet voice came from the shadows, "I wondered how long it'd take you to come. I knew Pete would never keep his word to me...not surprising all in all."

He knew that voice, a soft tinge of highland scots laced it...she was angry. "Won't come out and face me Macleod...what's a matter? Scared?"

He was just as angry and confused...what she had to be angry about...his thoughts died away as she stepped from the shadows out into what little light there was in the room. Jenna was a pretty, petite blonde, standing about five foot four, you'd never guess on sight how formidable she could be unless you knew her. The woman standing before him now was...different. One arm was in a sling, she sported one black eye and a bruised lower lip. Her hair was down loose around her shoulders, but her face was drained, tired...she looked like she'd gone a few rounds with a semi-truck and lost.

"What the hell...?"

She laughed but it sounded hollow even to him, "What's a matter MacGyver...don't see the person you knew? I definitely don't...want to know why? She's dead. So why don't you just go home ok? Leave me be." With this parting quip she turned and made her way back to the couch.

He couldn't move for a full minute...what the hell had happened to her. He shook it off and taking off his jacket threw it down on top of his bag before moving around the room to take a seat on the opposite end of the couch. He stared at her profile...she wouldn't look at him.

"I mean it...go away." She growled.

"No. What the hell happened to you?" he demanded.

He watched as she slowly leaned back, and closed her eyes he was also positive he had seen her flinch slightly as she moved. As he watched one lone tear seeped from the eye he could see and traced its way along her cheek. It made him shake inside...Jenna never cried...it was't in her nature.

"I'm broken Mac...please just _go away_...leave me alone. I just _can't do this_ now..._please_. If you ever loved me, go away." She was crying openly now...her blue eyes burning into his as she turned her head to stare at him.

He didn't say anything for a good full minute or more, just stared back at her. He'd come here with the intention of a challenge...now. He sucked in a breath and swallowed. "I'm not going anywhere...I have a month or more of vacation ahead of me...I'm here to do some fishing...it doesn't matter to me if you're here or not, Pete said he'd loan me the cabin and I intend to stay.

"Bullshit...you knew I was here because Pete told you." She snapped angrily as she pushed up from the couch with a grimace. He could only imagine what bruises where hiding under her long sleeved cotton shirt and jeans.

He sighed, "Look I'm tired and there's three bedrooms in this place so unless you wanna real fight over it I'm going to get the groceries I brought and start some supper for myself. You do whatever you want to." He was winging it...he new if he pushed she might just try to run, but judging from the shape she was in she wouldn't get far. He stood and strode out to the jeep. 'Please God let me be right.' He thought silently as he grabbed up the groceries and his large duffel of clothes. He moved swiftly back inside and slammed the door behind him. Leaving the groceries he grabbed up his jacket and other bag and taking two stairs at a time made his way upstairs. She had still been on the couch when he'd come back in. He spotted the master bedroom with some of her things lying on the dresser and proceeded to the next room over...it was free so he put his bags inside and left his jacket across the bed before turning off the light and heading back downstairs. She was waiting for him at the bottom.

"You can stay the night but I want you gone tomorrow." She said angrily.

"Tough." He answered passing her by and heading for the kitchen. This was going to be a battle of wills to the very end.

She followed him a moment later and stood watching as he started to unpack the food. Someone had made sure she was well prepared because he saw that there where plenty of canned goods and dried foods as well as fresh fruit and sandwich makings in the refrigerator. He opted for an easy dinner taking out some bread, cheese and a tomato for a grilled cheese sandwich as well as opening a can of tomato soup. It got cold up here in the evenings and there was already a chill in the air and it was only going on seven at night. He started to heat the soup as he put together the sandwich on the grill. She had stood long enough that it must have gotten to her because she opted to take a seat on the opposite side of the counter. She sat in silence for a while before finally saying, "What can I offer that would get you to leave tomorrow? I only want some time alone MacGyver...I'm not in the right frame of mind for company right now as you can plainly see."

"I'm not leaving so keep the offers to yourself and deal with it. If you'd like I can help you pack in the morning...I'm sure whoever dropped you here can come to take you..."

"How Dare you! I was here first!" She yelled slapping the counter with her hand. She seemed to regret it a moment later as she rubbed at it scowling at him at the same time. He shrugged which seemed to just add fuel to the fire as she cursed prettily before finally walking away. He couldn't help the slight grin he wore as he continued with his dinner. He had been betting she hadn't eaten yet and had made the sandwich large enough for two if needed as well as heating the whole can of soup.

When everything was done he set up his plate and took it to the large table that separated the living room from the kitchen. He sat quietly and ate as he watched her stand with her back to him in front of the fire. He couldn't be certain but he thought he heard her stomach rumble and had to stare into his soup bowl in order to hide a smile. When he was done he cleaned up but set up a plate with the remaining half of the grilled cheese and a bowl of the soup, it was all still fairly hot and he set it up noting her still ridged back before he turned off the kitchen lights. As he climbed the stairs he cleared his throat causing her to turn to glance up at him. He pointed to the dinner table and said, "It should still be hot...leave the dishes, I'll wash them in the morning. Goodnight Jenna."

He watched as she glanced in surprise to the food on the table before looking back to him. He was stepping off the landing as he heard her reply, it was soft but audible all the same, "Thank you..."

He said nothing and closed the door to his bedroom. As he un-packed he listened to any noise from below. It was a good half an hour before he heard the soft clink of dishes in the sink but knowing she had at least eaten gave him the feeling of a small victory. 'It's not the war...but it's a start.' He muttered quietly.

He couldn't sleep...he sighed and tossed onto his side facing the door. He'd heard Jenna turn in about three hours ago. Her bruised face kept dancing through his mind. He wanted to know what had happened, but answers weren't going to be forthcoming from her anytime soon. He closed his eyes willing sleep to take him but it was only a few moments later he heard the scream. It was cut short and the next sound was soft sobbing. It cut him deeper then anything else. He sat up and swung his feet over the side of the bed undecided if he should go...he didn't have to make the decision as he heard her door open and watched as her shadow passed his door before she made her way down the stairs. He listened as she opened and closed the French doors at the back of the cabin letting them close solidly behind her. She was going for air. He shoved his feet into his sneakers and grabbed his coat before following her.

He exited the rear doors and stood silently staring out at the lake and the strip of sand that ran along it...nothing. He sighed and was about to step down onto the first step when she spoke from behind him. It sent him a good inch or so in the air in surprise.

"I'm sorry if I woke you."

"Jesus." He cursed turning to face her. She sat bundled in a blanket on the wooden swing at the opposite end of the porch. Her face was hidden to him in the dark but her voice was choked, she was still crying but not as hard.

"You didn't wake me...I couldn't sleep. Are you alright?" he asked almost regretting his words. Of course she wasn't alright but he didn't quite know what else to say to her.

"Bad dreams."

He nodded and crossed the porch to sit on the swing beside her. She was literally curled onto the seat, her legs tucked against her, arms wrapped around them the blanket wrapped tightly around her whole body. He sighed and rubbed a hand along his neck trying to ease some of the tension he was feeling. He didn't say anything, didn't ask anything knowing somehow just his silent presence might be more of a comfort to her then anything else. Instead he started to rock the swing back and forth gently watching from the corner of his eye as she laid her head back and closed her eyes.

Minutes ticked by then a half an hour...He thought she may have slipped into sleep and sat back letting the swing slow and continue on its own merit with the only the winds help. He was just listening, watching as the clouds blew across the dark sky. He shivered when she spoke, her brogue having thickened with emotion.

"I'm sorra Mac...I never meant to hurt you."

He nodded, but remained silent. He heard her sigh, then sniffle before she continued.

"I just need time alone right now..."

"I'm not leaving." He said quietly.

Silence prevailed again for a good quarter of an hour before he started to push the swing gently. When he chanced a glance at her she wasn't watching him, her eyes instead on the water on the lake. She was far away, he couldn't not reach out at that moment his hand gently reaching to caress an exposed cheek. It surprised him when she pushed against his hand gently turning into the caress.

"Talk to me." He said quietly.

She closed her eyes then and gave a small sigh, "No...not now...maybe some other time...but not now...not when everything is still so...fresh." She said finally opening her eyes.

He nodded as he took his hand away and continued to rock the swing. They sat in silence for another half hour before he heard a small yawn from her and but remained silent.

"Mac? I think I'm going to try to go back to bed...I'll see you in the morning..." She said as he stopped the swing and watched her as she moved slowly to stand. He nodded when she looked down at him, "Yeah...I'm gonna head in as well." He said rising to follow her inside. He locked the door behind them and climbed the stairs behind her. She was in pain he could tell from just the way she carried herself but held his tongue...he wasn't sure how long he could keep watching and say nothing. He watched her as she moved down the hall to her door, she paused and turned toward him.

"Thank you..." She said with what he would take to pass as a small smile. He nodded and watched the door close behind her....His chest hurt with unspoken questions, worry and shear anger over whatever had happened to her...she had been right about one thing though, she was a different person...but he still cared...more then she would want to know. He sighed and turned in as well, praying sleep would take him soon.

Morning came with a brilliant sunrise over the lake, one that Jenna watched from the small pier behind the cabin. She had gotten maybe four or five hours of sleep but regular nights still eluded her...and would for a long time to come. She was on her way back up the pier when the rear door to the cabin opened and Mac stuck his head out, "You're up early...I was worried you had decided to ditch and leave me the cabin." He said with a small hopeful smile.

She stared at him a moment in silence and shook her head, "No...it's you who's leaving, not me." She answered making her way slowly up the steps.

He backed up and let her in, clearing his throat he asked, "You want some breakfast?"

She shook her head, "I'm just going to have some tea to warm up...but thank you anyway."

He watched her as she started to get the kettle filled and lit on the stove. "You should really eat something you know...don't you remember that I make some really good banana pancakes? I could do some other fruit if you want or eggs. He was watching her face and noticed her going slightly green. "You ok?" he asked with a frown.

"I don't do breakfast very much anymore, my stomach just can't handle food this early...give me a while." She said quietly.

He nodded and opted to much on an apple as he sat on a barstool and watched her make her tea. She had chosen black raspberry by the smell of it. He was starring out at the lake a few minutes later when he felt her gaze on him. "What?" He asked taking another bite of apple.

"When are you going to go Mac....I meant what I said last night...I want time alone, I can't get alone with you around." She told him sipping her tea.

He had finished the apple and threw the core into the trash like it was a basketball through a hoop...he made it and turned back to her. "Like I said last night...I'm not going anywhere. Look I'm sorry you want time alone and all, but I haven't had a vacation in over a year and I'm taking it now. I'll be here for the next four weeks. You want to stay...great, you don't that's your prerogative. I'm going to fish, do some light reading and just enjoy the peace and quiet." He said feeling the strain of the lie and hoping to god she didn't take him up on the leaving part. He wanted more time to dig, and truth be known he would leave ahead of her if she really started to go...he wouldn't hurt her more but damn it he wanted to understand what had happened to her, where had the old Jenna gone and why? He didn't buy that she was 'dead' as she had put it. He waited with breath held as he stared out at the lake again.

She set her mug down and ran a hand through her hair. He watched her fight an internal battle of wills as she shrugged her shoulder and winced, she'd not put on her shoulder sing and he could tell she was stiff as she moved. "Fine...you win." She said leaving the room and heading back upstairs he swallowed hard and followed her.

"Wait...what does that mean? Don't go Jenna, we can share this place. I promise to let you be...but don't go." He said stopping her with a hand on her good arm.

She had her head bent and he couldn't see her face behind a long fall of her hair...he wanted to push it side and make her face him but he waited, fighting oh so hard to be patient.

"I'll stay...on one condition." She said finally looking at him.

"What?"

"Don't ask me...just let this go." She said pointing to her lip and eye..."...promise me Mac." She said starring at him hard.

He sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly, he nodded, "I won't ask you anymore...I'll let you tell me when your ready." For that last part he got a warning look but he didn't say anything more.


	2. Haunted Memories

The Dream always started out the same, seeing that light bulb swinging above her on its chain. She felt herself blink and groaned...she knew she had several broken ribs along with so many other bruises and cuts that she seemed to throb from head to toe. Matt was lying across the room from her, his back to the bars of the small cell. They must have finished with him and dropped him off sometime while she was still unconscious. She wanted to scream as she moved slowly across the room on all fours.

"Matt? Matt...wake up, it's Jenna...come on buddy...alone sucks, talk to me." She whispered over him. She shook him and heard him groan softly as his body shuddered from the cold that seemed to radiate from the floor they where on. "Matt? Answer me damn it." She snapped as she shook him again with a hiss of pain as she moved too quickly causing another shot from her midsection.

He came to slowly blinking in the harsh light. "Wha?...Ohhh, damn, I think they broke my ribs this time." He hissed between a split lip. They seemed to sport identical bruises from split lips, black eyes and multiple black and blues from top to bottom...they're abusers seemed to have little imagination in torture tactics.

Jenna slid into a sitting position beside him and let him lay his head in her lap. She gave a shiver from the cold and wrapped her arms across her middle a moment.

"How long have we been here?" He asked quietly.

She shook her head, "I don't know, I'm losing track of time, a few days maybe a week." She answered. They had been left in this cell alone or together since they arrived. Their abusers or interrogators depending on how you choose to look at them never gave them more then a few hours in between rounds. Jenna knew they'd be coming again, and sooner then later. Their 'food' or the day old bread and warm water sat on a tray near the bars but she was just too damn tired to move.

"Matt?"

"Hmm..."

"What if we give them something old..."

"They'll know." He answered quickly.

"Matt...we're not going home." She said letting out a small sob.

He struggled but sat up with a groan. He reached out and took her under an arm pulling her in close. "Have faith...We'll make it, hell we've been in tighter spots right?" He tried to laugh but groaned softly.

She sighed. "They want those names."

"I'm not giving them up and neither are you. You know Adam will never just leave us here to die. Come on Macleod...cheer up huh."

She wiped away her tears and nodded. That was when she heard the footsteps. "Not again...it hasn't been long enough." She whispered angrily.

She heard Matt sigh and saw him hang his head. Matt had been her partner for more then three years, he was tall, built well and was always good with the ladies...and he'd been right that they may have been in tighter places, but never for this long. Somehow, this was looking much worse the longer that time stretched with no rescue in sight. She would never admit to him that the last time around with their captives that she'd desperately wanted to give just one name if only to make the pain stop. This time the cell doors slid open and one of the larger guards moved toward her with an evil smile.

"Come, come Miss Macleod...Miguel just wants to say hello...he's missed you so." A woman's voice said pleasantly.

Jenna gave a moan as 'Miguel' grabbed her roughly and pulled her across the room forcing her to kneel across from where Matt sat with his back still to the wall.

Ginger or whatever her name was now moved into sight. Ginger was just that; tan and healthy looking with long brown hair that swung free to her shoulders. Ginger Shepard had been labeled as Jenna and Matt's contact here in Antigua. They had come under the identity of a newly married couple ...in truth they where there to uncover some of the main players in a diamond smuggling ring. Their plan had worked...too well it seemed. They had landed in the middle of a buyout that went bad, their contact had betrayed them and as it turned out was the third in command of the main group here on the island.

Ginger reached out a hand and traced it gently over one of Matt's cheeks. She frowned deeply in anger as he jerked away from her. Reaching out again she grabbed his face one handed and leaned down close..."You should think about talking to me. I can off her...and you and I, well we could have some fun together."

Matt jerked away again and she snapped her fingers at the two hooded guards in the doorway. "Chain him!" She snapped.

They moved quickly and chained Matt's wrists into two shackles on the opposite wall. He was left so his back faced the room. Jenna started to move but felt the fingers of her overseer dig into her arms tighter and she had to stop or risk more punishment of her own. She whimpered as she watched them strip Matt's upped body so his back and chest where left bare.

"No....what are you doing? We DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!" She yelled at the now smiling woman.

"No? I think you do...And I think Miss Macleod that you'll give me what I want if I make you suffer just a little more. Only this time for every wrong answer....your partner will take your beating."

Jenna's eyes widened as she watched Ginger flex one long and well manicured hand as she sent a whip snapping through the air near to where Matt stood.

"N...No...no, don't. I swear we don't know who you want...we haven't been told anything! This was only a recon mission, please!" She begged as she struggled again within Miguel's grasp.

The first snap of the whip against Matt's back made him suck in his breath. The second made him shudder in agony...it went on for a good two minutes until Jenna could no longer see through her tears. "Please...STOP!" She screamed, "We don't KNOW ANYTHING! If I did I would tell you, please just STOP!" she begged as she sagged loosely against the front of her own captures legs.

The snapping sound stopped, but Matt's groans of pain did not. Jenna watched as they cut him loose from his bonds and let him land hard on the cold floor. She scrambled toward him as Ginger and her comrades made their exit...Gingers laughter trailed behind her as she went making Jenna want very badly to wrap her hands around the other woman's throat and squeeze until she could never make another sound again. She rocked Back and forth over a now unconscious Matt. Whispering softly, "I'm Sorry...I'm so sorry..."

This is how she woke, her cheeks still wet from her tears and the words "I'm sorry" still tumbling from her lips. Her chest was tight with unshed sobs and she whimpered in the darkness of her room. "Oh God....I'm so sorry." She said raggedly to the empty room.

Macgyver sat with his back to the closed door of her bedroom. He'd been standing debating if he should wake her when he'd heard her wake. Her sobs where open now and sliced at his heart like a knife. "I'm sorry too Jenna. More then you know..." He whispered as he heard her words repeated over and over in misery. He sucked in a long breath and rose quietly making his way back to his bedroom. He didn't sleep the rest of the night, instead lying awake trying to figure out a way to make her tell him what he wanted to know and what she needed to say. Her healing physically was almost done, but her mental healing hadn't even started and that was what he knew needed to happen and he loved her enough...'No, not just enough, he loved her...' He shook his head with the realization that his life in those few months with her had felt somehow completed and full, he wasn't willing to let her go this time. "Your wrong, you're not dead...your in there and I'm gonna make you fight until you realize it." He whispered to himself leaning back into his pillows as he started a mental list of what he needed to do. He would need a private phone.


	3. Chapter 3

Adam Mackenzie sat with one hand across his eyes as the other held a cell phone to his ear. He'd been sitting like that for the last fifteen minutes unable to get a word in edgewise. He'd received an angry call from Pete Thornton with direction given to call a phone number where he could reach Macgyver.

He'd called because he'd been worried about Jenna, somehow he'd known that Pete wouldn't keep his word…he'd told Mac where to find her. Now here he sat listening as Mac ranted angrily about the women he'd known eight months ago versus and the women he'd discovered staying at Pete's cabin. He was demanding to know what had happened to her and why was she pulling away from everyone and everything she loved. Adam sighed as the line suddenly went silent.

"Are you going to listen to me now….or are you going to yell some more?" He asked wearily.

Silence met his ear for a full thirty seconds.

"I'm listening." Came MacGyver's snarled reply.

Adam sucked in a deep breath, "What I'm going to tell you, I still feel should be coming directly from Jenna…" He sighed, "But if you can pull her out of this, then I'm doing the right thing."

"I only want to help her Adam, I need to understand." Mac spoke quietly now waiting for the other man to make his final decision.

Adam sighed again and nodded to himself as he began to explain about Jenna and Matt's assignment as well as their sudden disappearance. "We searched for two weeks, questioned everyone we could think of. It was three weeks later we got a break and discovered where they'd been taken. Mac…." He closed his eyes and rubbed a hand across them, "They were both nearly beaten to death. The way you're finding her now is almost a miracle. By rights she should have died after they finished with her. She's come a long way."

"What aren't you telling me….?" Mac asked him after a moment of silence.

Adam Mackenzie swallowed a lump and shook his head, "Matt died on the way to the hospital, when we found them they'd been in the middle of trying to get rid of them both, Matt used his last energy to put himself in between Jenna and a bullet. He died protecting her MacGyver, she still hasn't forgiven herself. Something I think you need to know, she didn't talk for months after it happened. It took me a long time to get her to even have a simple conversation with me."

MacGyver's fist tightened on the phone in his hand. He'd know it had been bad, but not quite this bad. "She's made me promise to let her tell me and ask no questions. It was killing me to see her like this and not know…" He sighed, "…Not know why she looks like she's been hit with a truck and she's having nightmares so bad she wakes up screaming and crying every night."

"I knew about the nightmares, but the doctor gave her medicine to help her sleep. Apparently she's decided she doesn't want to take it. I'm sorry MacGyver…this is really all I can offer. I've talked until I'm blue in the face with her about coming back to work eventually. She won't hear anything about it; she even turned in her badge and gun."

"I'm not gonna even think about her going back to work…I know she was one of your best Adam but I think what she needs is a long break and a chance to heal and forget…about all of it."

Adam knew the man loved her and it made him glad she had someone willing to fight to pull her back, "Look…if you can help her…bring her out of her shell…it's all that would matter. I want my friend back, I'll deal with the loss of an agent but I miss hearing her laugh. Good luck Mac, let me know if there's anything else I can do for either of you and tell her I send my love."

Mac wished Adam well and hung up the payphone slowly. He sighed as he watched the cars pass by outside the diner he sat in and shook with the knowledge that he'd almost lost her. He knew she felt lost, in the dark and no thought of a light at the end of the tunnel. The fear and loss of her partner were blinding her to even the remote possibility of a future. Sipping at the water in front of him he considered ways to get through to her but knew instinctively that she wasn't going to talk to him, not until she felt she was ready and at this point he needed to shove a little in order to get her to budge. He had one idea, one he knew he might regret but he didn't feel like he had a choice. He finished the water and dropped two quarters into the payphone and listened as the extension rang. By the third ring he wasn't certain he was going to get an answer.

Suddenly he heard the phone get picked up, "Dalton Air, you name it…we fly it."

Mac couldn't help the slight inward groan and felt a small smile tug at his mouth as he answered, "Jack…it's MacGyver….I need a favor…."


	4. Chapter 4

I have to admit that I'm thrilled and really amazed at how much feedback I've gotten over my MacGyver fiction. I'm working on it as you can see and hopefully over the next weeks you should see this story continue to shape up. *Enjoy and feedback is always welcome. PS: Mac is not mine, but Jenna Macleod is…and I'm just happy being allowed to take some time out to play in "MacGyver Land" 

Jenna woke early and discovered that MacGyver was already gone. He'd left her a note letting her know that he had headed into town ahead of what forecasters were calling a possibly bad weekend storm and that he'd return fully stocked by twelve or so. She sighed and puttered around the kitchen for a bit as she made herself a cup of hot tea before heading upstairs for a warm shower.

Once showered and dressed she went back downstairs to make a light breakfast. She chose a soft boiled egg, some toast and juice. Once done and she'd cleaned up, she made a second cup of warm tea and moved onto the porch. She sat on the swing and closed her eyes a moment just taking in the sounds of the birds and the water lapping softly at the dock…it was the peace that these moments brought that were precious and she realized that now more then ever as they seemed to her so few and far between. As she opened her eyes they strayed to the now empty space where Mac had parked his jeep and she realized that over the past day she'd found comfort from the fact that he was nearby. She'd continually told herself alone was better but after two weeks she'd began to crawl the ceilings as her thoughts continually strayed back to the most painful memories of her torture.

Tea finished she realized she needed to do something….anything, just to move. She had been assigned exercises by the doctors in order to help her heal and reduce the stiffness in her left arm and shoulder. She chose a spot near the doc and immersed herself in an hour of stretches and finally some Tai Chi. Some of the movements were still very painful and she couldn't hold them for long. But with each day she realized she was getting a little better at controlling the pain and stretching the routines for longer intervals. She was breathing harder and sweat dotted her forehead when she was done but she was happy with how she felt. She moved back inside the cabin and glancing at the clock as she rinsed out the mug from her tea realized that it was just shy of ten thirty and she still had better then an hour until Mac would return.

Deciding that being outside would be better for her then stuck in-doors which it seemed they might possibly be over the next several days she grabbed a soft pillow, a throw and her book and made her way back to the swing. She curled up and tried to lose herself in the characters and the storyline but kept finding her mind wandering. She finally got frustrated enough that she set the book down. She closed her eyes and tried to focus on the sounds of the wind and the birds and the water then added in some deep breathing. She yawned and closed her eyes as she began to push gently with one foot so the swing moved slowly adding a rhythm to the sounds around her. She didn't realize she was drifting off until she found herself sliding down to lay along the swing. She pulled the throw over her and let her head find the pillow. She was asleep before the swing came to a stop.

That was the way MacGyver found her two hours later. He let the jeep coast the last few feet as he turned off the ignition and sat staring silently at Jenna's small form curled up on the swing. She looked at peace, no nightmares shaking her as sleep finally found her. He sighed and climbed slowly from the jeep, trying to make as little noise as possible. He moved quietly up to the porch and sat about halfway up the steps, his back leaning against the railing as he watched her sleep. Every so often the wind would pick up tendrils of her hair and send them dancing gently before falling back against her arm or shoulder. His fingers itched to run his hands through the silkiness of it. There had been only a handful of women in his life that had ever affected him this way. Made him dare to dream that there was something out there besides living his life on his own, the possibility that he might be able to share it with someone else.

When they'd met almost a year ago, they'd been at instant odds, Jenna familiar and comfortable with guns and the use of them, and the one man in the world she seemed to think that wasn't much of one because he deemed them less then useful. They'd bickered and danced around each other for a month before both Pete and Adam brought them in to a room and threatened to lock them in and lose the key if they didn't work through it. They'd wound up bonding somehow, after about two solid hours of silence they'd began swapping stories of different assignments and outcomes with cases. Jenna had agreed to a week without her firearm and they'd moved tentatively forward.

MacGyver smiled at the thought of that week and how at the end they'd shared a long dinner and their first kiss at the end of that night. It had sent his heart racing and as she had so delicately put it, 'curled her toes'. He shook his head…he was going to bring her back, find a way to make her wake up…they had something he wasn't going to let her give up so quickly.

Mac stood up, moving back to the car he started to unpack it. Quietly he moved the packages to the cabin being very careful not to wake Jenna. When he got the bags unpacked and everything put away he stepped back out onto the porch and moved to Jenna's side. He reached out a hand and stroked it carefully across one cheek. He didn't expect the response he got but it made him kneel, bringing him down level with her on the swing. He spoke to her as she turned into the caress and murmured softly in her sleep. "Jenna…hey baby, wake up…Jenna…"

Jenna stretched and moved toward the warmth, blinking open her eyes to find herself staring into Mac's face. She stayed still a moment as she felt his thumb feathering back and forth softly across her cheek. His touch felt so good.

"Hey sleepyhead…" He said softly.

"Hi…when did you get back?" She asked.

He smiled, "About a half hour ago, you looked like you were pretty knocked out so I thought I'd let you sleep a bit. Hungry at all?" He asked her.

She shrugged softly and yawned making Mac chuckle. "Maybe I should have let you sleep." He said moving his hand, he caught her glance as he did and raised an eyebrow inviting her to say something. He felt his chest tighten when she looked away quickly.

Mac cleared his throat and stood offering an outstretched hand, "Here…why not come in and see what I've brought back. See if anything strikes your fancy…you need to eat." He said as she accepted the hand and stood. He watched as she collected her things and he let her precede him into the house.

Jenna left her things in the living room before following Mac into the kitchen. She spotted a bowl on the dining room table full of pears and gala apples, two of her favorite fruits. She smiled as she took a seat at the bar and watched him as he went through his additions. She had to hide a smile, he'd added some junk food…he never ate anything like that but knew she did. She sighed, "What are you going to make yourself?" She asked quietly.

Mac stared at her a heartbeat in silence, "A sandwich most likely."

"If you're up for sharing I'll take half of whatever you have and one of those pears."

Mac nodded and started to move around the kitchen.

Jenna sat quietly, her chin in her hand as she watched him work. She let the silence stretch for a few minutes watching as he pulled out shredded ham, mustard, cheese and some dark pumpernickel bread. She let her eyes roam his face and felt her cheeks heat slightly. He looked good, it had been eight months since they'd seen each other but in that time, it looked like he'd added a bit of muscle and she'd always loved the angles and planes of his face. His hair was longer then he'd worn it last, it brushed past his collar now and down his neck an inch or two. She would have liked to see how it felt brushing her fingers through it.

"Mac…?"

"Hmm…"

"Why are you here?" She asked quietly. Her question caught him off guard and he stopped what he was doing to look at her.

"I want the truth MacGyver…this is the only chance to be completely honest, and if you lie…" She wet her lips, "I'm going to eat the half of that sandwich and then pack my bags and go."

She watched him put the knife he'd been holding down and he splayed both hands on the table in front of him as he watched her carefully.

"You're bluffing Macleod, I can read you like a cheap book and you're not going anywhere." He said before picking up the knife again and continuing to work on their lunch.

She scowled at him but he ignored her, cutting the sandwich in half and placing her half on a plate before sliding it in front of her. She watched him take a bite and begin to chew before he spoke again around the mouthful, "Besides…you're in good company…good company that brought a backgammon board. Bet I can beat you again, two out of three?" He asked taking another bite.

"Answer my question…" She demanded finally suckered in enough to taste the sandwich he'd made. He smiled as she took a bite and looked slightly surprised at how good it was. She was chewing as she stared at him across the counter.

"I already told you, I'm on vacation…are we going to play backgammon or not?" He asked moving toward the living room, plate in hand.

"Evade much…" She snapped as she watched him cross the room.

"I'm not evading anything…I'm on vacation…now can we play?" He asked sitting and starting to set up the board as he finished his lunch.

She brought the sandwich with her and sat down across from him watching as he set up the board. "I have a proposition for you Mac, you win and I'll answer three questions…honestly. If I win, you answer three questions honestly….deal?"

Mac glanced down at the board and back up at her, the last time she'd played him, he'd been unable to beat her. But he wanted some questions answered badly and she said she'd answer honestly. He nodded, "Deal…"


	5. Chapter 5

The first game had gone to Jenna, the second to MacGyver…the third, was still up in the air and the tension was mounting. Mac had watched Jenna squirm as he'd made his last move, her breathing had picked up and she'd started to fiddle with the gold ring she wore on her right index finger. She refused to meet his gaze, he sighed knowing she'd be surprised to find that the three questions he had in mind weren't what she'd think they might be. He knew the game was over…and so did she.

Jenna sighed and swallowed her chest tight as she watched her last few chances to win slipping away. She didn't know how he'd won, she'd have attributed it to her nerves but wasn't sure that was true. She watched silently as he finally began to pack away the game, she jumped slightly when he snapped closed the case. Looking up quickly, she caught his eyes on her. She looked away and stood, moving quickly around the couches and heading for the kitchen.

She poured herself a glass of iced tea and took a sip, her hands shaking slightly as she set the glass down. She watched as MacGyver stood and stretched before moving toward the fireplace. He stood shaded half in shadow and half in light, silent and brooding as he watched the flames dance in the hearth. She watched the flicker from the fire highlight the sandy streaks in his hair and curled her hand around the glass as she remembered the way those same soft strands felt as she'd once run her fingers through them. The memory of how happy she'd been when she'd been with him had never once deserted her in the months they'd been apart. He'd lit up a part of her that she'd forgotten existed, he'd made her happy…really, really happy. She took another sip of her tea and sighed softly before moving around the counter and sliding up onto one of the barstools. The silence stretched except for the crackle and popping from the fire and she wanted nothing more then to close her eyes and sleep…but the nightmares always waited just off in the distance. She shook her head slowly and ran a hand through her hair.

"Tired?" His voice startled her and she turned to find him just a few feet away, watching her.

She nodded slowly unable to pull her eyes away from him as he closed the distance. She felt her breath hitch as he leaned forward and stole the cup from in front of her sipping slowly. He never broke her gaze as he stole the quick drink. She swallowed convulsively and accepted the glass from him as he handed it back.

"Thanks…" He said quietly.

"There's more in the fridge." She said softly.

"No…I'm fine." Mac told her as he leaned against the table beside her. "Did you miss me at all?" He finally asked, breaking the small silence.

She wasn't sure where that had come from and gave a quick shake to her head as she gazed up at him a small confused look on her face. "What?"

"My first question of three…Did you miss me over the last nine months?" He asked again.

Her eyes locked with his and Jenna felt her heart lurch slightly at what she saw there. Hurt, confusion and pain mixed with….hope? She blinked and sucked in a breath to deny it but couldn't bring herself to say anything. She closed her mouth and licked her lips as she studied his face. She couldn't be dishonest; they'd each promised only truth when they were to answer these questions. She nodded slowly, "Yes…I did."

She watched him look back toward the fire as he nodded, "I missed you too." He told her finally, his voice soft as he seemed to think about what she'd admitted.

She was watching him she knew with what must have been a slightly shocked and confused look because this wasn't the grilling she'd expected. MacGyver was always straight forward, never deceptive…a straight shooter and she'd expected him to go with a different line of questions…ones in which he demanded to know what had happened to her, why she looked the way she did, who had harmed her. He did none of that, just stood there beside her staring across the darkened room and into the flames of the fire.

He let the silence stretch again and she stole another sip of her tea as she tried to wait patiently.

"Why'd you run?"

It was asked quietly and as she was about to take another drink, instead the glass slipped from her hand to land hard on the counter. Neither of them moved for a full ten seconds, instead staring at each other. Jenna finally found the strength to look away and breathe again, she picked up the glass but put it back down almost as quickly...she had a feeling that she was going to need something stronger.

"Why didn't you just say something...instead of just _leaving _?"

The last word showed not only his confusion but his anger. He didn't wait for her answer but moved away and back to the couch where he sat down hard, his back sliding slowly down into the cushions.

She watched him in silence before moving from the kitchen to the living room and taking a seat beside him. Jenna sat trying to organize her thoughts before speaking. "I'm sorry…and I know that it fixes nothing, but I'm truly sorry I hurt you. I was scared." She shook her head, finally meeting his gaze, "You don't realize the impact you had on me…how much you made me feel safe. It scared the hell out of me and I didn't know how to handle it, so I ran, took another assignment." She sighed and turned her gaze back to the fire, "I'm sorry Mac, sorry for what we've both lost."

"You make it sound like there's no chance for us…is that what you think Jenna, that we can never recapture what we had before?"

"Is that your third question?" She asked looking back at him, "And do you really want me to be honest when I answer you? Be sure before you say anything MacGyver…I was truthful with you when I said the Jenna you knew is dead…that woman no longer exists."

She watched his face change, the anger he felt showing fully in his dark brown eyes as he glared at her and snapped one angry word.

"Bullshit."

She sighed and shook her head, "We're done here for now…I'm tired and I've had enough for one night. Good night." She told him standing and moving around him, she hadn't moved far when he spoke again, his voice cold.

"That's right, _run_ Macleod…your just _so_ damn good at it."

The words stopped her cold, she couldn't move, could barely breathe. Finally she broke, her tears coming freely as she turned to glare at him as he watched her from the couch, "You have no fucking idea what I've been through MacGyver…no idea!"

"Your right! I don't so explain it to me Macleod!" He yelled at her as he stood and moved toward her.

She backpedaled away from him quickly causing him to stop and sigh deeply as he ran an agitated hand through his hair, "I'm not going to hurt you! Just TALK to me! Tell me what the hell happened!"

She shook her head quickly, "N...n…no" She stuttered softly. "You can't make me, not ever." She sobbed softly then before turning and fleeing up the stairs.

"Shit…" Mac snapped as heard the door to her room slam closed. "Great job you ass, way to make her push those walls even higher." He muttered to himself.


	6. Chapter 6

MacGyver went to bed shortly after his run in with Jenna, he lay there staring at the ceiling for more then an hour kicking himself mentally and trying to think of a way to make things better between them when he heard Jenna scream. This time he didn't hesitate but ran for her room. When Mac opened the door it was to find her sitting up, head buried in her hands as she sobbed uncontrollably. He moved to the bed and sat down on the edge pulling Jenna toward him and into his embrace. He was surprised but she didn't fight him, instead going willingly into his arms. Mac rocked her gently murmuring soft words of comfort, her head buried against his chest.

After a few minutes Jenna seemed to relax against him, her sobs easing as she let him shelter her. Mac sighed as he ran a hand gently through her hair pushing it away from her face. "I have an idea how to get you a solid night's sleep…willing to try something?" He asked.

He felt Jenna nod, "I have pills, they just…I can't shake the dreams as easily…they cling like cobwebs." She shuddered as a small shiver raced her spine. She finally pulled away from him, averting her face as the shame of having woken MacGyver took hold.

He watched her a second before standing and disappearing from the room only to return a moment later, a small fan in his hands. She watched as he made a place for it on the dresser in the corner and plugged it in. He turned it on low and aimed it away from the bed. When he turned around he caught her watching him, a small puzzled look on her face. "It's like white noise, I couldn't find one of those small machines in town so I thought this might work." He told her crossing back to the bed. "Shove over." He told her. For that he got a panicked look. He sighed, "I'm staying dressed…I thought another presence might help."

He watched her think about it for a minute before she finally moved slowly over to the other side of the bed. He watched Jenna switch pillows before she lay back down, her back firmly toward him. He shook his head and climbed on top of the covers before reaching over and pulling her toward him. He felt her stiffen as a small sound of surprise escaped her lips. "Relax Macleod…just stay beside me and try to sleep." He told her as he spooned against her back and closed his eyes. It took quite a few minutes but he finally felt her relax against him and allowed himself a small smile of conquest…this battle he'd won; but the proof was yet in the night. He was hoping the fan would help pull her into sleep and the feeling of someone beside her might stave off the nightmares…at least for one night.

When morning finally broke through the window in soft shades of light it was to find Jenna still breathing evenly beside MacGyver still deep in sleep. They had both shifted while they slept, her head now resting below his chin, one arm slung across his chest and one leg lying against his as he'd come to rest on his back, one arm curled possessively around her. He smiled; she'd at least gotten a few solid hours of sleep, and no nightmares. He closed his eyes again enjoying the feeling of her pressed against him; it had been far too long.

Jenna woke slowly, a small sigh of contentment escaping as she blinked open sleepy eyes. She suddenly realized she was pressed against the warm length of one still sleeping Angus MacGyver, she looked up slowly and studied his face. His breathing was slow and even and one arm was curled protectively, almost possessively around her. She was more grateful then she could say for whatever trick had worked, either the sound from the fan or just having him beside her. She knew it was mostly the later that had allowed her to sleep, and after how she had behaved the night before…she was going to have to apologize…and she was going to have to come clean and explain what had happened to her…she just didn't know how or where to begin.

She found one hand straying toward the few stray hairs that curled loosely down around his neck. They were as soft as she remembered. She sighed again and lay her head back down on his chest listening to the wonderful rhythmic sound of his heart. The hand that wasn't curled around her lay loosely splayed on his stomach and she ran her hand slowly along each long finger, he had the hands of an artist, long strong fingers. When he spoke it made her jump in surprise.

"Enjoying yourself?" He asked with a soft chuckle as he watched her pull away.

"Sorry..." She said with a small sheepish smile, she could feel the fire on her cheeks as his laugh deepened.

"No need to apologize…" he told her stretching lazily before standing. "Feel better now that you've had a decent night's rest?" He asked watching as she twisted the bed sheet through her hands.

"Yeah…about that Mac…Thank you." She said finally stealing a glance upward.

"No problem…want some hot tea or juice?" He asked running a hand through his hair.

She nodded, "That sounds great…" He nodded and she watched him go, the door closing softly behind him.

"Please God…help me I don't know how to do this." She mumbled as she stood and began to move around the room, collecting clothes and getting ready to face the darkness of her recent past.


	7. Chapter 7

As Jenna had dressed she wracked her brain trying to find a way of explaining everything to MacGyver without turning into a blob of emotion. Several months of therapy and she still hadn't managed to get past the painful memories of her capture. The nightmares had left her nerves so raw she had trouble dealing with just everyday life, let alone rehashing the death of her partner and the days of torture they had endured together.

As Jenna made her way downstairs it was to find Mac whistling softly as he moved around the kitchen. She sucked in a deep breath and swallowed back her panic as her feet touched the bottom stair. She watched him look up to catch sight of her and the smile he wore faded to be replaced with a worried look, "Jenna? Are you okay…what's wrong?" He asked circling the counter quickly and moving toward her.

She swallowed again and nodded trying for a small reassuring smile, "Everything's fine…I'm okay, really." She assured him as he placed both hands on her shoulders and looked her over closely. She swallowed hard and looking him straight in the eye, asked…"Mac, I won one of those games last night right?" She watched him nod slowly.

"Right…"

"I should at least get one question for that one game…that seems fair doesn't it?" She asked.

MacGyver raised one eyebrow, his hands tightening on her arms. "Alright…what's your question?"

"Why did you really come here…and please, don't say it was to take a vacation."

Mac nodded, his hands falling away as he stared at Jenna hard for a moment before turning his back to her and pacing away toward the counter and kitchen. He stopped and braced his hands on the tables' surface, his shoulders hunched tight. "You really don't know do you?" He said finally turning back to face her, "You either won't admit it to yourself or you really just don't see it…do you?" He asked, his voice rough as he stared at her.

Jenna swallowed and shook here head slowly almost afraid to move. He laughed, and the sound made her jump. It wasn't a pleasant laugh but a hard one, he stood watching her, frustration plain on his face.

"I thought you were smarter than this Macleod. Look me in the eye and tell me you really don't know why I'm here." He snapped angrily.

"MacGyver…" She said, her voice shaking.

"_You_...are…unbelievable!" He yelled, he felt the tide break as he stared at her, "Nine months Macleod, you spent three months with me and I know, I _know_ you felt the same way I did…and you ran. I see you again nine months later and you look like you did rounds with a semi, I asked but you won't tell me what happened. You wake up each night screaming from nightmares, which breaks me every time I hear it! But am I allowed to know why? NO!" He knew he was shaking but he couldn't help it, he watched as she started to cry, tears tracking slowly down her cheeks and he wanted to go to her and hold her but knew he needed to tell her how he felt, to put everything on the table and let the cards fall. He shook his head, "Don't stand there and tell me you want to know why I'm here…you know why I'm here even if you won't admit it to yourself."

She couldn't take anymore and headed for the door and the outside, letting the door slam shut behind her. She was shaking badly and moved to sit in the swing. She heard the door open and close and watched as Mac sat down heavily on the top stair of the porch. He bowed his head and ran his hands through his hair in agitation. She knew she'd hurt him, but hadn't realized just how badly until now. Their silence didn't last long as he spoke again, not looking at her but out along the water and into the trees instead.

"I've been alone most of my life…I try so hard not to get easily attached. Had anyone told me when I met you that you were the one, I would have laughed…told them they were wrong. You were just _so_ different it didn't seem like it'd work." He sighed and shook his head, "There've been people in my life who've mattered to me…and you know that I've lost a lot of them, I don't trust easily Jenna, I haven't met anyone who I've wanted to willingly give my heart too. That changed when I met you…."

When he finally turned his face toward her she was shaken to see tears shimmering in his eyes, but his words rocked her.

"I love you Macleod…don't you _get_ it?"

She nodded slowly then stood, moving toward him little by little watching as he stood to meet her. Once she had closed the distance between them she reached a trembling hand toward his face and ran it gently over the curves she knew so well. She shivered when he leaned his face into the caress and kissed the inside of her wrist. His eyes had slid closed but opened again to stare into hers, watching…waiting to see what she'd do next. As if sensing that if he moved too fast she'd bolt again. It made her hurt more to know she'd caused him this much confusion and pain.

Jenna sucked in a deep breath and moved closer still. Closing the remaining distance between them, and forcing him to look down at her as she looked up into his face. She felt him circle her waist slowly with one arm as she laid both hands, palms open on his chest. "I love you too…" the words were softly spoken, "I knew before I ran I was lost with you…but after this..." Jenna motioned to her face, "I just…" She swallowed hard and shook her head fighting to find the right words. "I felt broken, I didn't want to deal with anyone, I didn't want to be touched or spoken to." She looked away from him then letting her eyes slide over their surroundings, the color of the water in the lake, the green of the trees beyond and the cobalt blue of the sky above them. "I didn't want to be part of this world anymore…I wanted it to all go away." And suddenly the tears were there again, rocking Jenna's body in great sobs as she realized the true weight of her words. She felt him pull her in and surround her smaller form with his larger one, his arms sheltering her as he held her close. Mac said nothing, opting instead to let her take what time she needed before continuing, knowing that just being there was what she needed.

When finally her tears subsided, Jenna knew what had to come next. She took a moment to absorb some of the strength Mac gave her by just holding her close, and the warmth he radiated gave her courage to move forward.

"When I left you I accepted an assignment with Matt, it took us south into the Caribbean and then from there over seas and into Greece. I needed something to do, to take my mind away from…" Jenna stopped and looked up at Mac then, their eyes locking for a moment. "From us…" She sighed and pressed her forehead into his chest and felt his chin come to rest on the top of her head. Mac never wavered, his arms never broke their hold, but he remained solid and quiet giving her the time she needed.

"It was originally supposed to be an investigation into jewelry thefts in high quality hotels, we had to pose as a married couple…" She laughed then remembering Matt's fussing, his worry that someone would one day tattle to his wife about some of the things he had to "Endure" for his job. "Matt worked hard to keep me centered, focused and as happy as he could. He knew…" Jenna swallowed and closed her eyes, "He knew about us…he knew what I had done and he didn't judge me…even though I suspect he wanted nothing better than to throttle me for running." She felt Mac's grip around her tighten, as if his hold this time would keep her from making that same mistake a second time. She knew he had nothing to worry about, she wasn't going anywhere. Jenna let her arms drift around his waist, her hands moving up along his back as she listened to the steady beat of his heart for a moment before continuing. "It wasn't hard to make contact with the right people, we followed what leads we could under our cover and fed the rest to the bureau. What we didn't realize was that there was a lot more at stake then just jewelry." She stopped then and pulled away from Mac, looking up at him she said, "I need to sit for the rest of this…"

MacGyver nodded and taking her hand led her back inside to the living room and the deep couches near the fireplace. He let her sit then disappeared again only to return a moment later with a cold glass of juice. She accepted it gratefully and sipped at it as she put her thoughts in order. Mac sat down beside her, his eyes never leaving her face wanting badly to take this pain from her but knowing he could only listen and help her cope and over the next hour or so that's what he did…listened. When she got nearer to the part when she'd lost her partner Matt, she slowed trying to breath but broke into soft sobs. He felt his heart breaking as he slid closer and gathered her into his arms again.

"Stop Jenna…enough, you don't need to finish this right now, let's take a break…"

"No…no I can't, I need to do this…" She sobbed softly. "Matt died for me MacGyver…he stepped into the line of that bullet. He had family! I couldn't even face his wife and kids…I should be the one gone, not him….I don't know why he did it…and I'm so damn angry at him!" She snapped breaking away from him and standing, pacing for a moment in front of the fireplace. "I don't know how to deal with being alive when those kids don't have a father because of me!"

Mac couldn't hold his tongue anymore, "You'll forgive me, although I'm sorry about Matt, he died because he loved you Macleod, you were his friend and he was trying to protect you and while you may not have kids you have me! I'll be forever grateful to Matt, he gave you _back to me_…_you're_ still here…we're still able to work things out because of his amazing sacrifice…do you _really_ mean to tell me that you'd rather be dead? Because I don't believe it for a fucking minute Macleod!" He snapped angrily watching as she fought her feelings, sorry he had to push hard but knowing it was the only way he'd be able to get through to her. "You said you loved me…did you _really_ mean it?" He asked her.

Jenna sobbed nodding once, "You know I did!" She yelled back.

"_Good_ then _prove_ it! Start living again…that's what Matt would want you to do, not bury yourself up here and shut out the world!" He said standing and crossing around the table to her. He reached out stood in front of her, "Let me help you get better, I'm here Jenna…don't shut me out…Please." He pleaded softly.

**To Be Continued…**


	8. Chapter 8

Jenna stared at the hand MacGyver was offering, her heart racing as she slowly raised her eyes to meet his.

"Do you trust me?" Mac asked her softly. He saw her swallow and nod slowly. "Then give me your hand, you're not alone anymore Jenna."

She wanted more then anything to reach for him, her eyes moved from his face to his hand again…slowly Jenna raised one hand and placed it inside his. She heard him exhale and raised wide, frightened eyes from their hands to his face. He started to feather his thumb back and forth lightly across her knuckles and she felt a small shiver race her spine. "Where do we go from here?" She heard herself ask in a small voice and hated herself for it even more.

Mac sighed as he squeezed her hand gently before leading her back to the couch and motioning for her to sit down. "This is a good start; from here…we have time, as much as we need. We talk…_ you _decide how fast we move."

Jenna nodded, but couldn't look him in the eye as she'd started to shiver. She felt one of the couch coverlets being draped across her shoulders and looked up as Mac pulled it closer around her. They were nose to nose for a moment, watching each other in silence. Jenna closed her eyes as he leaned forward and placed a light kiss on her forehead. "I love you, I promise I won't push you but I need _you _to promise me you'll work with me...do we have a deal Macleod?"

Jenna swallowed and nodded slowly.

"Good…let's start with breakfast, you need to eat…what'll it be?" He asked with a smile.

She returned the smile but shook her head, "No…thanks anyway, food just doesn't sit well first thing in the morning. I'll eat later, but I'll make some tea while you make something for yourself."

"You sure…I brought what I'd need to make banana pancakes." Mac knew it was one of her favorites. He watched her smile broaden a bit but she shook her head no again. "You need to eat Jenna."

She sighed, "I promise I will…it's just, I can't seem to hold anything down this early….I'll eat later, don't worry." She assured him quietly.

Mac nodded, "Alright, I've got hot water ready for your tea; I'll grab a bowl of cereal."

Jenna nodded and watched as he stood and moved away. She felt the panic closing her throat and fought to breathe through it. She felt the tension ease a little and stood to follow MacGyver. They worked quietly together in the kitchen, when Jenna was done she moved outside and let the door bang closed behind her. She breathed in deeply and moved to the swing taking a sip of her tea as she waited for Mac. She set the mug down and began to rub her arm gently, the pain could be ignored sometimes but not for long, she'd have to work with it today to help ease the discomfort. She heard the door close and looked up in time to watch MacGyver cross the porch, he was raising a spoonful of cereal to his mouth as he came. She smiled and took a breath…she had to admit the sight of him helped lighten her heart and speed it up at the same time, it was disconcerting how he effected her. She realized he was watching her as she watched him and felt heat blossom in her cheeks as she smiled and glanced away.

"You're thinking too hard Macleod, I can hear it from here." He said moving to take a seat beside her on the swing.

Jenna smiled and picked up the mug before he started to move the swing. The heat from the mug felt good in her hands and she sighed as they sat within a comfortable silence. She let her eyes roam out across the water and up to the large mountain the cabin sat in the shadow of. "What's the mountain called again?" She asked him. There was a long enough silence that she finally turned her head to glance at him. He was staring off into the distance a pensive look on his face. "Mac?" She said his name quietly.

"Widowmaker…" He finally said as he looked back down and took another bite of cereal.

Jenna continued to stare at him in silence before letting the moment go. She sighed and sipped her tea looking around the wide wooden porch. The house was beautiful, two stories and four bedrooms, two baths and a wide living room and comfortable kitchen. She recalled Mac talking about this place and how proud Pete Thorton had been of it. She would have to water the hanging plants again today they looked like they'd need it. "How old is this place…didn't you tell me Pete had to rebuild?" She asked him.

There was another small silence on Mac's part, again long enough to catch her attention. She watched him finish the bite of cereal he'd been chewing as he nodded, "Yeah…he rebuilt due to a fire."

She nodded, "He did a beautiful job…"

"Yeah…he did." He said standing and heading back inside with his bowl and spoon.

His abruptness on the topic surprised her. She took her mug and followed him inside where he stood washing his dishes. "Mac, did I say anything wrong?"

She heard Mac sigh as he turned the water off and turned to her drying his hands on a towel. "No…sorry, you didn't say anything wrong. I was the reason Pete wound up rebuilding."

Jenna's surprise showed, and Mac sighed. He knew he would have to share this story with her at some point…hell it was why he understood why she was feeling the way she was, the guilt eating at her…it wasn't hers to carry, like it hadn't been his to carry. It had taken a run in with Murdock and a very good friend to show him the way out of the dark. He swallowed and looked at her, "There's something I need to share with you…can we go back outside?"

Jenna nodded and followed him back out to the porch. She retook her seat on the swing but watched as he moved to the railing and looked up toward the mountain standing watch above them.

"Have I ever told you how much I hate heights?"


	9. Chapter 9

Jenna watched MacGyver for a minute in silence, he'd taken her to dinner once all those months before and he'd chosen a restaurant in the city that was situated on top of a local high rise. It had been wonderfully romantic but one thing she did recall clearly was the fact that he'd asked for a table away from the windows and in a quiet corner away from everyone else. She'd figured out then that heights weren't one of his favorite things. She shook her head at his question but spoke quietly, "The dinner at the Tropical Eights…do you remember it?" She asked him.

Mac turned to look at her then, "Yeah, I do…" He said.

"You paid a fortune for that meal but in reality everyone who goes there, goes to get a seat overlooking the city, you know the ones right by the windows…you had us seated in a quiet corner…" She told him with a soft smile.

Mac nodded and gave her a small smile in return, "Yeah…I did didn't I. Ya know I'd just hoped you'd figure I wanted you all to myself." He said with a chuckle. He watched in fascination as Jenna's smile broadened a bit and made his heart turn over. It was the first real smile he'd seen from her since he'd gotten to the cabin.

"I think I did a fair job of convincing you of just that." She said quietly recalling in detail how that night had ended. She felt her cheeks heat as she felt his gaze linger a moment longer and she glanced away.

Mac sighed before he turned back to the railing and let his gaze travel once more upward to Widow Maker Canyon.

Jenna let the silence stretch, she could see whatever he was remembering was hard. She moved the swing quietly as she waited for him to speak.

MacGyver cleared his throat, his eyes moving over the large mountain standing silently above them. "I've had two best friends my whole life, one you've met…Jack Dalton and the other was Mike…Mike is a _she_ by the way." He smiled. "Mike was as much trouble as Jack but in a different way…" Mac sighed and shook his head slowly, "She was always there when I needed her and Jack and I did the same for her but somehow over the years she…"

Jenna watched Mac swallow, his brow creasing as he struggled to finish his thought, Jenna finished it for him, guessing what he was about to divulge. "She fell in love with you…wanted more then just friendship?" She asked quietly and watched him turn, a look of surprise on his handsome face. He nodded silently. She smiled, "I hate to tell you this but that's not hard for me to believe…you're a wonderful man MacGyver…I understand why it happened, I've been there myself." She finished the sentence on a near whisper as they stared across at each other.

Mac sighed and gave her a small smile. He moved to sit beside Jenna, helping to keep the swing moving slowly. He let out a slow breath…his eyes once again turning toward Widow Maker Canyon. "Mike came to visit and she talked me into going up…she was a trained climber." Mac sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly, "I really hate heights..." He said his voice quiet.

Jenna sat silently now, her eyes glued to MacGyver's face.

Mac looked back down at his hands, they were fisted in his lap. "We got about halfway up and I got stuck…" He shook his head, "I couldn't see anything but the ground underneath me and suddenly I couldn't tell up from down, I slipped but Mike talked me through and I managed to pull myself up." He let out a slow breath, "We took a break, started to talk…she made fun of my nerves…and then somehow…" He shook his head again as if trying to rid himself of the memory.

Jenna watched Mac grit his teeth his face changing, the pain becoming more evident as he came closer to revealing the story. She instinctively reached over and wound a hand around one of his squeezing lightly, her eyes showing worry and compassion.

MacGyver looked down at the more delicate hand interwoven with his own and sighed, grateful for the connection as he squeezed lightly. His eyes finally met Jenna's and he paused and sighed, "She told me she loved me…not just like a friend, but like how I love you…she asked for more then I could offer her. I loved her enough to admit that I couldn't…that I loved her, but not like that. That I counted on her as a friend and that I didn't want to lose that friendship. I knew that if we got more involved that I wouldn't have been able to give her what she needed." Mac let out a shuddering breath as his eyes were pulled back upward almost involuntarily. "She acted like it was okay, moved too fast and started to climb…I acted like I hadn't seen the tears…knowing she'd hate herself more if she let me realize how much I'd just hurt her…God how I wish I had stopped her, made her talk to me." He admitted quietly.

Jenna watched Mac close his eyes then, his next words coming in a rush as if he didn't say them fast he may not be able to get them past his own lips. "She must have been so blinded by her tears, so upset at what had just happened…" He swallowed then, "She got about half way up the cliff face...I kept calling to her...tried to make sure she was okay but she wouldn't answer me. She slipped and fell, I caught her line but her harness broke...she fell." He whispered the last, shaking his head his jaw tightening as he opened his eyes to look at Jenna.

"Oh My God…" Jenna whispered, "Oh Mac…I'm so sorry." She said squeezing his hand.

MacGyver shook his head, "I froze, I couldn't move from that ledge. It took a chopper rescue team to get me off the mountain." He sighed, eyes sliding closed again as he squeezed Jenna's hand tighter, his fingers caressing over hers. She was keeping him grounded to the here and now and she didn't even realize it. Mac sucked in a deep breath and let it out slow his eyes opening as he turned his gaze to her. "I shoved everyone away, locked myself up here for more then two weeks. Pete tried to talk me into coming back to my life, my friends, the foundation..." He shook his head slowly. "I just didn't care...I didn't want to see or talk to anyone." He said quietly, "Sound familiar?" He asked her. Mac watched as a lone tear slid down Jenna's cheek and he brushed it away. "I know you hurt...and I can tell you it's gonna take time to get better. But Jenna, if you'll let me I'll be beside you every step of the way."

Jenna didn't know what to say to that. She closed her eyes a moment and took a slow deep breath. "I…I don't…" She shook her head.

Mac sighed, "So what are we gonna do…stay here until you're old and grey and everyone who has any clue about what happened is gone? You have to face this Jenna…the pain's gonna eat you alive if you don't talk about it. Like I said I'm here…I'm listening…talk to me?"

Jenna swallowed, her throat was tight and she could feel the panic creeping up her body, tightening everything. She fought to breathe past it, tears jumping to her eyes as her heart raced. "No…." She said with a shake of her head, "You already know how I lost Matt…I can't…I won't talk about the rest…I don't want to." She whispered her voice hoarse from unshed tears. "Please…just let it be." She begged finally looking back at him. She watched him sigh and shake his head. She swallowed again still battling her building panic attack. "How did you do it?" She asked him. She watched him look at her, one brow raised questioningly. "How did you forgive or forget what happened?" She choked out her tears finally wining as they slid down her cheeks.

MacGyver's heart broke as he watched her cry. "I've never forgotten Mike, nor will I ever…she was a wonderful person and she made a lasting impression on my life. As for forgiveness, there was no need to forgive anything…it was an accident." He said as he watched her.

Jenna shook her head, "Matt's death wasn't an accident MacGyver…it was murder…by my hand as far as I'm concerned." She spat rising from beside him.

Mac shook his head, "How was Matt dying your fault, how could you have stopped it, huh?" He asked rising to follow her down the porch. "What, you have the power to freeze time…come on Jenn…you can't be serious. Adam said Matt was protecting you…you admitted it yourself he pushed you aside to keep you from being hit!" He argued and watched her body turn stiff at his words as she rounded on him, her eyes blazing.

"When did you talk to Adam MacGyver?" She snapped, "You didn't wait did you? You went and got your answers when I wouldn't talk to you! So much for letting me tell you anything in my own time…you lied to me!" She snapped angrily brushing past him as she headed for the door.

He reached for her, grabbing her arm and hearing her cry out before he realized that he'd grabbed her injured arm. "Jenna, I'm sorry…" He said softly. He watched her pull away from him.

"Don't touch me!" She snapped. "I'm leaving…you can have the damn cabin to yourself!" She yelled as she slammed the door.

Mac growled as he followed her taking the steps two at a time. As he moved into the cabin he could hear Jenna sobbing from upstairs, he climbed the staircase quickly and moved for her bedroom. He stood in the door watching as she struggled with her suitcase and finally began tossing her clothes and other belongings into it.

"What are you doing…you're not going anywhere Jenna, if you want I'll leave but at least listen to what I have to say before I go. I'm sorry okay, you're right I called Adam that second day here…what the hell was I supposed to do huh? I hadn't seen you in nine months, I finally find out where you are and when I see you look like you've been hit by a truck!" He yelled moving toward here and watching as she flinched away, her face streaked by her tears.

"You…you promised you'd give me time…you said I could tell you when I was ready, but you LIED! You didn't mean what you said…you couldn't wait right? Give me the time I needed?" Jenna yelled as she tossed more clothes in the suitcase before she moved back toward the closet.

"Jenna, have you looked in a mirror lately?" He asked as he moved to stand in front of the suitcase effectively blocking her path. He watched as she turned to find him standing in her way.

"Get out!" She ordered as she moved to step around him and froze as he reached a gentle hand toward her and grimaced as he watched her flinch.

"Macleod, I'm not gonna hurt you…" He said quietly. "But whoever did deserves a fate worse then death for what they've done to you. If you give me some time I can help you…I know the bruises go deep Jenna, but I love you…and I know you feel the same way…please?" He begged quietly.

He watched her fight her panic, her tears still falling albeit silently now. It was killing him and all he wanted was to reach for her and knew he couldn't. Small moves were the only way to get him and Jenna back to where they needed to be.

"What…do you want from me?" She snapped, "I told you…I'm broken…this isn't a fairytale Mac…don't you get it? You're not some knight in armor who's gonna make it all better…you…can't…make…this…better!" She snarled pointing to her face.

MacGyver sighed, "How do you know?" He asked her "You won't even give me a chance…you just keep shoving me away!" Mac finally snapped back.

Jenna flinched away and watched as MacGyver rubbed a hand down his face with a soft sigh.

"Give me three weeks…" He asked her, "Three weeks and if…" He sighed, "If you still feel the same way then…I'll leave you alone." He finally offered hating the words and what they meant even as they left his mouth. He was holding his breath as Jenna watched him, he could almost see her thoughts as they drifted across her face.

"Three weeks…and then you'll just go away?" She asked him.

"Jenna…" He said her name on a sigh.

"Fine." She gritted out, "I'll give you your three weeks…then I'll give you the cabin." She snapped picking up her clothes and heading back to the closet without looking back at him.

Mac sighed. "Fine." He said softly before leaving the room.


	10. Chapter 10

It had been a week, and Jenna had effectively avoided talking to MacGyver unless she absolutely had to. He'd tried almost everything he could think of to get her to talk shy of holding her down and forcing her…and he had to admit his patience was wearing a bit thin. She'd locked him out of her room at night, and he'd had to listen to her screams as she continued to wake from nightmares. He'd taken to sleeping with his bedroom door open in case she'd let him in. So far, no go…his heart was shredded listening to her cry and it was hard to swallow not being able to do anything about it.

It was two nights later that he had a breakthrough. MacGyver woke around two in the morning to Jenna's screams…he bolted from the bed and stumbled for the hall only to find Jenna standing, shaking from head to toe outside her own room. He came to a halt and watched her in silence for a second, he finally said her name and watched as her eyes found his face.

"It's ok…" He said softly and watched her shake her head fast as the fog she'd been in lifted somewhat. He saw the look on her face change as she suddenly ran toward him, throwing her arms around him as she clung to him shaking like a leaf. "Shhhh…I'm here, it's gonna be okay Jenna…no one's gonna hurt you again…I promise." He whispered into her hair as he folded her close.

A few moments later and Jenna was still shaking although her tears had slowed somewhat. MacGyver tried to step away from her and felt her arms tighten around him as she whimpered softly. Mac bent and swept Jenna up in his arms as he turned and carried her back into his own room. He deposited her on his bed and kissed the top of her head as she let go of him. He grabbed the covers and slid them over her before he rounded the bed and crawled in beside her. He watched in fascination as she moved to close the small space between them effectively tucking herself in against him. Mac wrapped his arms around her and brushed a kiss across her forehead. "You know when I was little and had nightmares my mom used to fix me a cup of hot cocoa and talk to me until I fell asleep again…I can make some cocoa if you want." He said softly. He had to fight a small smile as he felt her shake her head, her hold tightening on him. He sighed, "So, no cocoa…what could I talk to you about…he sighed, "My last assignment maybe…you know it didn't go as smoothly as I'd hoped…" Mac didn't get to continue as he finally heard Jenna speak.

"Mac?"

"What baby?"

"I'm sorry…" she whispered around a small shiver.

He rubbed his hands along her arms and back, "For what?" He asked.

"For yelling at you and treating you badly…I just…I feel like I'm falling apart and I don't know what to do…" She started to cry again.

Mac closed his eyes as he pressed another kiss to the top of her head and inhaled slowly. "It's okay, you're going to be okay…I swear to God Jenna I'm not going to let anything happen to you…you will get a hold I promise…it's just gonna take time." He told her softly, "Will you tell me whatever you can about it? I swear to you if you get some of what happened out…it will help Jenna…you can't cope with it by yourself…together we can at least work through it." He heard her sniffle as he pressed another kiss to her forehead and ran a gentle hand through her hair. It was almost two full minutes before she answered and it was so long Mac almost thought she'd fallen back to sleep.

"I…I don't know where to start." Jenna admitted.

"At the beginning is always a good place…" He told her quietly as he continued to run his fingers through her hair. He'd noticed that she'd stopped shaking and that her breathing had slowed and was even again. He felt her shift slightly as she moved her head from his chest to along his shoulder and just under his chin. He had to admit she felt good pressed so close and if he stayed quiet long enough maybe he'd finally get to hear exactly what had happened to her.

Jenna sighed softly closing her eyes tightly a moment trying to gather her thoughts before she began to explain what had happened to she and Matt. She could only think of one place to start, after she'd run from MacGyver. She breathed out slowly, "Matt threatened to find you when he found out I'd…" She swallowed, "After I left…he said that he was going to tell you where I was and that I was stupid for not staying. He knew I'd asked Adam for a new assignment and he was trying desperately to find a way to blackmail Adam into making me stay but there was a case that Adam knew he wanted me to take. Matt agreed to come along so they set it up to make us look like a married couple…the fighting wasn't hard we did it naturally." She felt Mac chuckle and she found herself laughing softly before she found herself fighting not to cry as she remembered Matt's antics. She sobbed once and felt Mac sober as he tightened his hold on her. "Shhh, it's okay…" He told her quietly, "Matt would want you to think of the good stuff Jenna, that's the stuff you have to hold onto."

Jenna nodded and took another deep breath before she started again, "There had been a string of high end jewel thefts scattered from the Caribbean to eastern Europe. We had a few good, solid leads, we started in the Islands and actually made contact with some of the people involved." Jenna sucked in another deep breath and finally pulled away from MacGyver, she sat up and pulled the covers up as she leaned back against the headboard. She watched as Mac did the same reaching to take one of her hands in his own. She shivered lightly as he ran his fingers lightly across hers. She was silent a moment as she studied her smaller fingers intertwined with his longer, stronger ones…and found herself thinking she liked the way they looked together. Jenna shivered again and watched as Mac slid closer to her. "They invited Matt and I to come with them to Greece where they had a yacht, we accepted the invitation knowing they could lead us to someone bigger. But still making sure that Adam knew where we were, Matt was convinced that everything was still okay, that our cover was still tight…I thought he was right…but when we got to the plane, we had some drinks…they'd been drugged…when we both woke up it was in a cell in some underground compound. They had figured out who we were and they wanted a list of all the undercover agents we knew or they'd make sure our bosses found us face up in the ocean." Jenna shivered…"Mac, I don't think I can do this…" She said shaking her head…"I just..I don't want to think about what came next." She admitted.

Mac leaned over and kissed the side of her head lightly, "The problem is Macleod…that while you may not want to talk about it, or think about it your subconscious is fighting to deal with it, that's where the nightmares are coming from…if you talk about it…the nightmares might subside, you can get some sleep…"

Jenna knew he was right, she knew that talking some of what had happened through might help her cope…but she also knew that reliving what those people had done to her was dangerous ground. She must have been quiet long enough that Mac thought he'd lost her because she heard him say her name softly as he pushed her hair aside, his eyes studying her face. She blinked, a lone tear sliding down her cheek…"When I woke up, I found that they had stripped Matt and I down…I was so cold. I realized later that they'd done it because…" She sucked in a quick shuddering breath, "…because it was easier to reach as much skin as possible." She told him, her voice shaking. She sobbed once, her eyes closing and a very vivid picture of that cell swimming into focus in her head. She felt MacGyver pull her close and she leaned her head against his chest. Just being close to him helped somewhat, she sucked in a shaky breath, "They started with Matt…when they brought him back the first time he had a black eye, his lip was bleeding and so was his chest where they'd cut him." She shook her head and covered her face with her hands, "It was the same for me…I actually laughed in that girls face…she made it harder for me after that…I think I had the first set of broken ribs." She told him. She opened her eyes and looked at MacGyver…the look on his face made her stop, he was close to tears himself it seemed as he watched her, his hands never leaving her as he ran his hands through her hair. "The cuts and the broken ribs were only the start of it…they…" She swallowed, "They whipped us until we blacked out, when they got bored with that they started to…to cut us." She said on a whisper. "There was one man…he liked to…to touch…" She said with a hard shiver as she buried her head against MacGyver. "Please…I can't…I just…can't." She told him crying softly.

"Enough for now Jenna…it's okay…" Mac soothed quietly. He'd been unable to find words to help her as she'd spoken. His heart ached as he'd listened, he'd never believed in violence of any kind but he was having a hard time handling what those thieves had done to the woman in his arms. MacGyver rocked Jenna until he felt her body relax against his. He felt her breathing even out, her crying had stopped and she lay against him, her eyes closing slowly. He kissed her forehead, "Jenna…" He said her name and heard her murmur, very slowly he leaned back into the pillows bringing her down along with him. Mac watched as she sighed softly and curled against him. He finally let sleep slide over him as well.

Over the next few days, slowly Jenna opened up more. Mac got bits and pieces of what had happened to her and Matt. One night Jenna even got brave enough to slide the back of her shirt up and show him the scars that laced her back. He had touched his fingers to them slowly, angry tears jumping forward faster then he could control them. She'd caught the look on his face and thought for a moment that he'd been disgusted by them. He'd quickly proven with a slow kiss that he was far from disgusted, but that he loved her no matter what. She'd allowed him to stay with her during the nights and his presence seemed to help keep the nightmares at bay or if not they seemed less intense then they had been and he was there to help talk her down.

Mac had decided on a dinner and some friendly faces to help Jenna get used to being around others again. His call to Jack Dalton only days after he'd initially arrived had come in handy as his friend had agreed to shuttle everyone up to the mountains. Mac knew that one person he really wanted Jenna to see was Matt's wife Kim. Kim had readily agreed to come and knew that Jenna had no idea she'd be there. Mac had broached the topic of company and a meal carefully and had gotten reluctance on Jenna's part. He'd finally talked her into it and was busy setting the table when he heard her come back in from a walk. He saw her glance at the table as she headed upstairs to start getting ready. She stopped at the banister and stared at the settings. "Mac...I thought you said there'd only be four of us...you've set it for five...am I missing someone?" She asked watching him as he moved around the kitchen.

"Yeah...Jack asked to bring a friend...I figured you wouldn't mind." he said quietly concentrating on the pots and dishes in front of him. He felt the weight of Jenna's stare before he heard her sigh as she turned and went upstairs. He breathed a sigh of relief and kept moving. He heard the shower kick on and glanced at his watch...Jack Dalton and the others would be arriving shortly. He checked the chicken and glanced at the table...everything was in place now he just had to pray Jenna wouldn't bolt back upstairs and lock herself in when she saw Kim. It was only ten minutes later that there was a knock at the door and he opened it with a grin as Jack Dalton stood in front of him, "Amigo!" Mac chuckled, "Jack..." He let Jack pass him and found Pete Thorton standing in front of him, "Hey Pete..."

"MacGyver, I'd like to introduce you to Kim Walsh...Matt's wife, Kim this is MacGyver." Pete introduced the petite brunette standing beside him. Mac gave the woman a smile but it slipped somewhat as she moved forward into the light and he spotted the fact that she was several months pregnant. "Kim...it's wonderful to meet you...please come in." Mac said holding the door open for them. He exchanged a look with Pete as he passed him by, it clearly showed his shock at Kim's condition. Pete gave a small nod.

"It's wonderful to finally meet you MacGyver...Matt spoke of you often...he liked you very much."

Mac smiled at Kim as he took her jacket from her, "The feeling was mutual...your husband was a good man." Mac cleared his throat, "Kim, before Jenna comes down...you know she's unaware I've invited you...I'm wondering is she aware..." he didn't get to finish as Kim shook her head.

"No...she's not aware that I'm pregnant...neither was my husband." Kim said quietly. "It's almost as if it was a blessing from God...something to help me through the pain." She said quietly, her hand straying to her rounded belly.

Mac sighed, "I'm so sorry for your loss..." Mac's voice trailed off as he heard a door from above open as he stepped in front of Kim's smaller form. He spotted Jenna moving along the railing as she tied up her hair. "Hey...company's here." he said with a smile carefully guiding Kim backwards behind him as Jenna moved down the stairs.

Jenna spotted Jack first and gave him a wide smile, "Hey Jack..." she said softly as she came off the landing and was swept into his best friend's embrace.

"Hey kiddo...how ya doin?" Jack asked hugging her tight. "We've missed you." he told her setting her down so she could give Pete a hug.

Mac watched Jenna smile and nod at Jack as she hugged Pete, "I've missed you all too...I thought you were bringing someone with you?" She asked as Pete let her go. It was then that Kim stepped around MacGyver.

"Hi Jenna..." Kim said quietly as she moved toward the other woman.

MacGyver watched Jenna's face, the shock that registered and then the tears as she sobbed once her eyes falling to Kim's overextended belly.

"Kim? Oh God...No...oh Kim...I'm sor...sorry..." Jenna got out her body shaking as she stared at the other woman.

MacGyver had to give Kim Walsh a lot of credit as she approached Jenna slowly like you would a frightened animal. She pulled Jenna's quaking form into her embrace and crooned to her like she was a small child. Mac touched Pete's arm and motioned for he and Jack to follow him back into the kitchen.

"Jenna…I want you to listen to me, I don't know where you got the idea I'm angry with you or that I'd ever be able to hate you…I miss you." Kim whispered, her voice clearly showing her emotion. "I lost Matt…and I lost his best friend and mine at the same time…why would you think I wouldn't want to see you? Huh?" Kim asked quietly.

"Because…I'm alive and he isn't…my fault…it's my fault." Jenna sobbed softly.

Kim sighed as she let go of Jenna and led her slowly toward the couch sitting down beside her. "Jenna, he was protecting someone he considered family…he always said you were like his sister…if the shoe had been on the other foot…would you have pushed him out of the way, would you have protected him?"

Jenna nodded, "Yes…"

'"He loved you Macleod…he would want to see you thrive…not wither away. Look at me…" Kim said to her.

Jenna raised her eyes to meet Kim's gaze, "He would also want you to be with MacGyver…he told me all of it Jenna, before you both left…he told me you were running…don't. Do you love him?" Kim asked quietly.

Jenna nodded, "Kim…there's so much you don't know…" Jenna said softly.

Kim sucked in a deep breath, "You don't remember do you?" she asked.

"Remember what?"

"I saw you Jenna; I was there in the hospital when they brought you back. I know what they did to you both…know how bad…" Kim shook her head slowly, "Jenna…they wouldn't let me see him…" She said her tears sliding down her cheeks.

Jenna pulled her into a hug, "I'm sorry Kim…I'm so sorry."

The two women leaned on each other for a few moments in silence sharing their pain and loss. Kim pulled away first. "I want you to be part of this baby's life Jenna, I need you there more then you know…please...don't pull away from your friends…we miss you, need you." Kim told her. "And you have the opportunity to have something I had with Matt…real love…don't walk away from MacGyver…let him be there for you." Kim said, it was a second before she grabbed Jenna's hand and put it on her stomach. "Wait…here…no…here.!" She said pulling Jenna's hand further over to the side of her belly. Kim laughed as she felt the second kick and looked up to Jenna's face and caught the girls tears. "It's okay Jenna…this is what's been getting me through…this is what Matt left for me…a miracle."

Jenna smiled slowly through her tears. "That's my partner…always full of surprises." Jenna murmured as she felt another kick.

.


	11. Chapter 11

Jenna stood on the porch watching as Kim, Jack and Pete drove off. She sighed listening to the soft clink of glass as MacGyver finished loading the dishwasher. She turned and entered the cabin in time to watch as he moved away from her toward the living room. She heard him sigh and watched as he took a seat on the couch and ran a hand through his hair. She smiled softly as she closed the door with a soft click and locked up before turning back toward the living room. Mac was staring into the fire as she took a seat beside him. She watched his eyes move toward her and she smiled, "Thank you." She said softly and watched his eyes light as he smiled back at her.

"You're welcome…so? When are we leaving?" He asked her quietly.

Jenna sighed, "Um, I'm not leaving just yet." She admitted as she glanced away from Mac. Jenna could feel the weight of his eyes on her and she had to fight not to squirm.

"I thought you told Kim you would be there for the baby?" Mac asked watching Jenna with a small frown.

"I did, and I will…she's not due for another month or so." Jenna said quietly.

"Wait…what am I missing?" Mac asked turning fully toward her, "Jenna…you don't need to hide up here anymore…why would you stay?"

"I'm not hiding." Jenna snapped, standing up and moving for the kitchen.

MacGyver shook his head, confusion plain on his face as he watched her go, he stood then and followed her watching as she took down a glass, added ice and then water from a bottle in the fridge. He couldn't understand what else was holding her back…for some reason he had figured Kim would have been the last hurdle before Jenna would at least agree to leave the cabin for civilization. "Jenna…?" He said her name softly, watching as color seemed to climb her face. "I don't get it….what am I missing?" He asked again.

Jenna sighed, she was afraid, so terribly afraid that if she gave what she and MacGyver had blossoming between them a chance that she wouldn't be able to give him what he needed and in the end it would be a horrible mistake. She swallowed not sure how to explain this all to him. She had her head down, her heart in her throat when she felt his arms circle her from behind. She jumped slightly as he put his mouth against her ear and kissed lightly, "Breathe…" He whispered, "We take one second, one minute at a time…I promise I won't push and in the end if you don't want the same things I do…" He swallowed, "…I promise I'll let you go and wish you well."

Jenna put the glass down and turned in his arms, tipping her face up so she could look him in the eyes. "Are you sure…can you let something you love go that easily?" She asked him.

Mac sighed softly as he caressed her face with one hand, pushing her hair back. He didn't answer her but leaned in and gently caught her mouth with his. The kiss was slow and gentle. When he pulled back he watched as her eyes blinked open slowly, they were slightly unfocused and he smiled. "Who says you'll want to go anywhere given enough time and all my charm?" He asked her with a gentle grin.

Jenna sighed giving a slow shake of her head "Mac…"

MacGyver didn't wait but leaned in again and caught her mouth a second time tightening his hold on her as he deepened the kiss. It was only a few seconds before he felt her sigh, her body relaxing against his as her arms came to rest on his chest. When the kiss ended he sighed and leaned his chin on top of her head. She stayed silent and he finally chanced a look down. Her head was resting on his chest, her eyes closed. He smiled and stroked a hand through the soft strands of her hair, "If you give me a second I have a proposal of sorts…you willing to listen?" He asked brushing a soft kiss to her forehead. Mac watched her sigh, and nod but her eyes remained closed.

Mac cleared his throat, "The boathouse is big enough for two of us, we can share the bedroom." He felt her stiffen and sighed, "I'll sleep fully dressed." He said with a slow shake of his head, "Recall me saying we go at your pace? But the couch can get uncomfortable after a few nights…can we agree to share the bed?" He heard her sigh. "Come on Jenna…we go back and you stay with me. As far as our days, I told Pete tonight that I'm taking a sabbatical for six months. So…" Mac sighed "You see you're stuck with me…I thought we might work at the Challengers club…I know you'd do great with the kids…and…" He didn't get any further as he felt her disengage from his hold as she pulled away and turned her back on him again. He watched her take a sip from her water glass and noticed that her hand was shaking. He stayed quiet deciding that he'd let her have a minute and see if she'd open up. He circled the counter and sat down resting his chin on one hand as he watched her in silence.

Jenna would have sworn her heart was going to jump through her throat. She sipped from her water glass again. She glanced out the window into the darkness and sighed softly, she could practically hear Matt screaming at her in her head calling her chicken. She chanced a glance at MacGyver and felt her tears spill over. He moved then, standing and coming around to her, gathering her silently into his embrace. "I'm sorry…I'm scared…scared I won't be what you need me to be, that I won't make you happy…" She finally confessed. She felt him sigh as he kissed the top of her head softly.

"I don't expect you to be anything but yourself…the woman I fell in love with is still here. If you give me the chance I can prove it to you…and like I said…we move at the pace you set, no faster. Remember I told you once I'm a decently patient guy?"

Jenna felt a small smile tug at her lips and she shook her head and groaned softly knowing she'd made a decision. "Fine…but I get the side closest to the bathroom." She said softly. She felt Mac pull away and looked up to see the confusion on his face. "The bed…your bed…I get…" She didn't get any further as he gave a soft woop and smiled as he pulled her toward him and kissed her soundly. When he pulled away he saw her shock and chuckled, "Sorry…couldn't help myself, so? When do we leave?" He asked her.

Jenna shrugged, "A day or so, we need to close up the house and pack."

"You got yourself a deal…" He said.


End file.
